Miserable at Best
by incendiers
Summary: "I could live without her. I could start over again. But I knew, without her, I'd be miserable at best." What if Panem moved on from the Star crossed lovers? What happens now? Oneshot.


**Well, I just wanted to get this off my chest. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the THG franchise. I am not Suzanne Collins.**

**P.S. Post Hunger Games and first part of Catching Fire, but the Quarter Quell did not happen, and District 13 doesn't exist. Also, the ending of mockingjay is kind of the same to the end of this one shot. so, yeah.**

All grammatical errors are mine.

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><p>It was the night of the festival. Me and Madge Undersee were leaning by a stall, looking at the sight before us. Colorful lanterns shone brightly under the night sky.<p>

I had survived the 74th Hunger Games. Panem had moved on with their lives. The citizens of District 12, although having had it's fair share of prizes because Katniss and I won the games, had gone back to it's usual routine. People working hard and still having barely enough to eat. This was the story of the lives of people here.

It has been two years since I stepped out of the arena alive. Two years that Katniss and I had to pretend to be the star-crossed lovers. I never pretended, but she did. We were out of the limelight now, since Snow seemed happy with the way we acted. The only times we had to pretend were during the following Hunger Games, since we were mentors. In District 12, however, people didn't really care if we were together or not. I was back at the bakery, baking bread, designing cakes, and occasionally giving away a few loaves to the kids in the Seam.

Katniss kept on hunting in the woods, gathering plants for her mother and selling game to the peacekeepers. Of course, she did this with her _partner_, Gale Hawthorne.

After the games, Gale was presented as Katniss' cousin. Now that the cameras were gone, they were free to act like themselves again. Like they always had. As if I never existed in Katniss' life.

I look at the center of the town square, the same one the reapings were always held in, and see young girls and boys mingling with each other. I see Katniss wearing an orange dress. The fact that she wore a dress was kind of surprising, since she barely wore dresses anymore after the Games. Gale comes close to her and they begin to talk with each other. Gale plants a small kiss on her cheek. I avert my eyes from them. _After all these years, Peeta. Move on. She'll never be yours. She was never meant to be yours._

I empty my glass of wine, distracting myself from my emotions.

"You still have it bad for her, huh." Madge says to me.

"Am I that obvious?" I smile, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Ever since we were five, Peeta. You know, I always tried to tell Katniss you had a crush on her, but she never believed me. She was saying something about you not wanting to hang out with someone like her, someone dirty and lowly from the Seam."

"Why would she even think about herself like that? God knows how many boys in school had a crush on her." I say, remembering how people in the locker room would talk about Katniss and how they would love to get a date with her, if only she weren't so intimidating. I resisted the urge to punch them every time they talked about her.

"You're one to talk, Mr. Popular. Lots of girls want you and your "breadstick". " She laughs. I had to admit, a lot of girls came on to me, but mostly because I was one of the well-off boys in the town, and I wasn't by all accounts ugly, at least according to my friends.

" Very funny, princess, but that's just wrong. Ugh. " I say in disgust.

We banter and laugh , but eventually some boy comes and asks Madge for a dance, leaving me all by myself.

I sigh and sit down on a bench, staring at the couples dancing.

Someone sits beside me. "Hey Peeta." That voice, the same one which my dreams and nightmares were made of. The voice that healed me and cared for me when I was nearly dying in a cave. The voice that broke my heart, and was the reason why it would probably never be whole again.

"Katniss." I looked at her. She looked absolutely beautiful, The dress complementing her skin perfectly, Her hair in a braid, Her make-up enhancing her facial features. She still looked like the girl on fire.

"How's life treating you nowadays?" She asks.

"It's getting better. The nightmares aren't coming back that much anymore." _The truth is it's gotten worse. I barely get an hour's sleep without me waking up and screaming out your name._

But I can't tell her that. It would make me seem weak, pathetic. In her eyes, I probably already am.

" I see. I bet the girls have been dying to get their hands on you after...well, after the tour and everything."I see her hesitation. She wants to forget the games, but we both know that's not possible. The arena changes people, almost always for the worse.

"I don't really notice them. Too busy with work and all." I laugh nervously. "So you and Gale, huh." I try to hide the jealousy, the anger, the sadness in my voice.

"What? Me and Gale? We're just friends."

"That's not what the townspeople say."

"Since when did you listen to gossip, Peeta Mellark? Who do you think you are, meddling in other people's affairs?" She says, irritated.

"I'm not meddling. I was just pointing out a fact."

"Which is absolutely false!" She sneers.

"Why should I care anyway. It's not like we have to put on a show for the people anymore. I think it would be best if I'll go home now." I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice. I stood up and began to make my way back home.

"Wait, Peeta. I'm sorry. Wait." She shouts, calling for me from afar. I don't look back. I never wanted to look back again. All her empty words, false promises, forced touches. All of it was a lie.

All I wanted to do in that moment was forget about the girl on fire. But I knew I couldn't. She saved my life. You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.

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><p>"KATNISS!"<p>

I bolt up from my bed, sweaty, confused. _The nightmares are getting worse. _

It was time for the Hunger Games again. Time for two more tributes, two familiar faces to enter the arena and fight to the death. The worst part is, We were the mentors, the ones who had to try their best to keep them alive. The hopes of two families were placed upon our shoulders. It always ended up the same way, no matter how hard we tried, the careers would dominate the games. Our tributes couldn't stand a chance.

I go out to the balcony to get some fresh air. The houses in the victors village are quiet, seeing as only three houses are occupied. To my surprise, I see the balcony beside me was occupied as well.

"Can't sleep, huh?" She asked, clutching her robe tightly. She comes towards the edge of the balcony towards me. Her balcony was only a few inches away, so I was aware of how close our proximity was to each other.

"I never could. It's like we're entering the arena all over again."

"The nightmares are still there, aren't they? Because mine never really went away, unless, well you know."

_Unless we'd sleep together. Her body tucked beside me._

"You know, my dreams were always about losing you. "

"To tell the truth, my dreams were about losing you too. I couldn't bear the thought of you dying."

I laugh darkly. " You couldn't bear the thought of losing me?" I repeat the words she said during our interview with Caesar.

"I can't bear the thought of losing the ones I care about."

"You care about me?"

" You know I do, Peeta."

" Just not the same way I care about you." I say softly. She remains quiet.

"I do, Peeta. I do care about you. But I'm so goddamned confused about everything. I'm sorry. I'm so selfish, Peeta. I only realize that I care about people when I'm about to lose them. I'm so stupid. I'm sorry." She begins to cry, hard.

I couldn't help myself, so I jumped over to her balcony to comfort her.

"It's alright, Katniss. Sshh." I wrapped her in my arms, stroking her hair gently.

"You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry. I never did deserve you. I survived because of you, Peeta. You saved me."

"We saved each other, Katniss."

"I don't know, what to feel, what to do. I don't, Peeta. All I know is that when I'm with you, My nightmares go away, because I realize you're there with me."

Before I could react, Katniss places her hands on my face and gently presses her lips on mine. It was filled with love, with fear, with compassion. As if she was afraid to let me go.

"Please. Stay with me tonight. I don't want to face these nightmares alone. " Her gray eyes were pleading, fresh with tears because she was still crying.

I wanted to leave. I knew I should have just stayed away from her. We should just try and forget the games. Like nothing ever happened. But I wasn't strong enough to do that. I was selfish as well. I wanted to take everything she was willing to give me, even if it was just as friends. I just wanted to be near her again.

I could live without her. I could start over again. But I knew, without her, I'd be miserable at best.

"Alright. I'll stay. I won't leave you, Katniss."

"Thank you."

We slip under her sheets. I wrap her in my arms, tightly, like we did when we were in the train.

The nightmares didn't come anymore. They were replaced with dreams of her, and what could have been. _What could be.  
><em>

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><p>"Nice shot, Maple."<p>

Katniss says, smiling brightly at the girl with the dark hair and blue eyes.

"Thanks mom."

I come over to the two, carrying a boy with gray eyes and curly blond hair.

"Glad to see you two enjoying yourselves."

"Yes, well she does take after me. Can't have my daughter be scared of a bow like her father was, right?"

"Hey! You know that's not true. I just prefer hand-to-hand combat , that's all."

"Oh please. You wished the arena was a giant cake, so you could chuck flour bags at everyone."

"Well, you were always the survivor, Katniss." I say, kissing her gently on the lips.

It has been years since the last Hunger Games. A rebellion had occurred, killing thousands of people. We were the instigators, we were the reason why people had a spark inside of them, effectively catching fire and spreading to the whole of Panem. Snow was killed, and the new president didn't want the Hunger Games to be repeated again.

Gale was sent to District 2, making him in charge of the military after showing bravery during the rebellion. Turns out Katniss and him weren't meant for each other. They were fire and fire, clashing with each other, making the other burn even more with resentment for the Capitol. There was no need for that now. Now, we lived in a better place, people lived better lives, no more killing children as a reminder of the first rebellion.

There are much worse things to face. Reminding ourselves of the role we played, the people we killed.

We had lost a lot. People we loved, Memories we made.

Sometimes, we even lost our sense of reality. We didn't know what was real, what was a lie. We couldn't distinguish it.

The nightmares didn't go away, but with her by my side, we could handle it, together.

"You love me. Real or not real?"

"Real."

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><p><strong>I assume you have read the story if you are reading this right now. Please leave a review or something. I hope you enjoyed reading this . Thank you :)<strong>


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